Sending me a stock photo makes fools of us both.

Marketing and communications are hard work. There’s a lot of work to execute and a lot of detail to think about.

It can get overwhelming.

So it’s understandable that marketers and communicators reach for stock photos to plug gaps in their communications. They’re easy to find and reasonably cheap.

They’re also mostly stupid and make your brand look ridiculous, whilst simultaneously making your customers wince. That’s quite an achievement.

Take the image above, selected from my vast personal collection of stupid stock photos that I’ve received in the course of being a functioning human. This particular one is from a payment confirmation email I received from my electricity supplier.

What is this image trying to say to me? That I should be pleased about paying for your expensive electricity? That paying bills is a fun moment to share with your partner?

One of the many problems with this image, and with so many stock photos, is that it purports to show normal behaviour, except that no human has ever performed said behaviour. When was the last time you shared keyboard duties with your significant other? Or smiled when paying a bill?

What stock photos do achieve, however, is to give customers an opportunity to think you’re weird and uncool, like the slightly inappropriate uncle at Christmas. It’s even worse when your weird uncoolness is attached to something as banal and irritating as an electricity bill payment confirmation email.

Why are you trying to inject this weak brand message into a purely transactional communication in the first place?

Stock photos make the sender look stupid and the recipient feel stupid for entrusting their business to them. They are the rarest of achievements – a lose-lose.

Every detail matters, all the time.

6 Lessons to Learn from Linkedin Articles Full of Lessons to Learn

It’s impossible to open up Linkedin without someone telling you what you should learn to improve your life from something else completely unrelated to it. These earnest pieces are Linkedin’s version of the selfie – ‘Look! I’ve put myself next to something that’s a bit interesting.’

There is a proliferation of authors who now experience a fairly mundane event, go somewhere or look at a Gumby cartoon through the prism of the vital business and life lessons to be gleaned from it and shared with the Linkedin world. It’s as if the entire contents of an airport book shop’s Business, Motivation and Life Coaching section are attacking you.
Clearly, though, it’s a genre that’s here to stay. To succeed, learn these lessons:

1. When there’s a global event coming up, have your Lessons to Learn article ready to post the minute it finishes.
If you can’t be insightful, interesting or even relevant, you can at least be first.

2. Absolutely everything that ever happens anywhere can be reduced to a short list that will help people to sell more of whatever it is they’re selling.
Struggling for article ideas? How about ‘7 Lessons to Learn from Washing A Dog’ (1. Be prepared…2. Invest in the right tools…3. Persistence pays!…and so on). Or ‘5 Lessons to Learn from Changing a Nappy’ (1. Be prepared…2. Invest in the right tools…3. Persistence pays!…and so on). Just think of something…anything…you saw or did in the last 24 hours and you’re halfway there.

3. Talk about the power of teamwork. A lot.
If everyone who talked a big game about what they know about team work actually managed a functional team, there would not be a single job vacancy on the planet. Talk it up, no-one will ever check.

4. Ditto for vision, values and innovation.
Of course nothing just ‘happens’ anymore, it’s always the result of having an amazing vision, impeccable values and innovating like a first-time downhill skier. Go on and on about these three key activities, because the more you say them the more you become them.

5. Talk about lessons learned from your mother, father or child.
This works well if you have something really boring to say, or if you are generally unlikeable. Simply fold a parent or an innocent child into the mix for instant zing.

6. Being a leader is, apparently, everything, and there is no metaphor, analogy or situation too far-fetched to explain how to do it well.

Great leadership lessons can be learned from sitting in a kayak, watching Wimbledon, ballroom dancing, Canadian Geese, a trip to the hair salon, a basset hound, Super Mario Brothers, a fortune cookie and, of course, Game of Thrones. The main thing is to try and be original – something like Leadership Lessons from a Recluse is ideal.

Good luck and may your traction be long lasting.

A new home

Hello and welcome to the new home for my copywriting and creative work. Here you’ll find some samples of my work and information on who I am and what I do.

As a freelancer I work with people all over the world and also, of course, with those down the road from me in Melbourne. It’s always nice to share a caffeine hit with a new client if I can, but mostly I work remotely. It just happens that way. Don’t let that worry you – long experience has taught me exactly the right questions to ask to get to the pertinent information. This means l can write the copy you need and have always wanted no matter where you may be on the planet. And we can always Skype to put faces to names.

It doesn’t cost a thing to discuss your project and copy requirements in detail. This is a good chance for you to get a good feel for what I could deliver, too. From that meeting I’ll prepare a customised costing based on what I think will best serve us both throughout the life of the project. This might be a project rate, sometimes an hourly rate and possibly the barter system for very special clients (you’ve got to have something I really want, though. I’m looking at you Laphroaig)

Then we’ll begin with some dedicated briefing time to ensure I understand exactly what you want (and don’t want). Some of the questions might sound strange to you, but they all serve a purpose and will help me get to what you need faster. Whether we’re working together on a project rate or an hourly rate all copywriting includes two rounds of revisions, too.

So get in touch and let’s chat about how good copy can help you.